Proper Guests
by DarthAnimus
Summary: England and America indulge in Finnish sauna culture. USxUK


**Proper Guests**

Finland really had some well-equipped camping areas, Arthur mused as the short male in question led the way down a sandy path, away from the wooden cottage he had given to Arthur and Alfred to use during their hide-away. Finland was a very helpful country and Arthur was grateful for that; no one else would have helped the Anglophone countries to escape the current stress going on. It was not like it really mattered if they were present or not, since the politicians of the day always insisted on doing everything themselves anyway.

The cottage was actually a very sturdy one and had two floors. It was positioned on top of higher ground with a gravel path in the back that led through a small gathering of trees to a small sand beach. It was to that beach in question that Tino led the foreign pair to, all the while chattering about Finnish sauna customs. The reason the topic of sauna had come up was simple; sauna was the cultural phenomenon that was to be experienced that day. The previous endeavours included trying out Finnish Easter foods and stick walking. The latter one had been a strange experience; it was almost like skiing, but without the skis and snow.

"W-wait a minute!" Alfred exclaimed suddenly, bringing the trio to a stop. "What do you mean people go to the sauna _naked_?"

"That's how it's always been", Tino explained, not bothered by Alfred's outburst the slightest. "And afterwards you either roll around in show or take a dip off the pier." At this the small country pointed at a small wooden pier stationed a bit further down the beach, opposite to a wooden hut that had only a couple of teeny tiny windows: the sauna building.

"T-that's so…" Alfred started but then trailed off when he could not come up with a proper word. Arthur decided to give the younger country a hand and interjected: "Being naked in company isn't really considered proper in our cultures, Finland. Maybe we could _not_ do it?"

"Sure", Tino replied with a careless shrug. _"Anglophone pussies…"_

Arthur stared at the back of Tino's platinum head, wondering if he'd heard right or if he'd imagined that last addition. He glanced over to Alfred, who was looking a bit disturbed himself and just as Arthur thought it was because the Finn had actually spoken, the American spoke out: "What temperature do you think the water is?"

"Pretty cold, I suspect", Arthur supplied. "It's early spring, after all."

There was a strangled sound from Alfred and Tino turned to look back at them with a helpful smile as he spoke: "The cold water is good for you. The Finns who go swimming during the winter are the healthiest."

"I have no idea how it could possibly work that way", Alfred argued. Tino released a short laugh at the response before saying: "It raises the body's resistance to bacteria." The Finn turned around to lead the way again. "Don't worry. There are shower quarters in the building as well. Let's go now, the sauna's already ready."

The rest of the distance to the hut was crossed in silence and it was only after Tino had led them into the dressing room that another word was spoken.

"You can leave your stuff here, the next room has the showers and then comes the sauna", Tino instructed them. "Remember to go easy with the steam, when Japan visited a bathhouse with us he accidentally fainted. Apparently you foreigners aren't that used to the high temperature."

"Got it", Arthur said and made a double note to remember that, because Alfred certainly was not going to remember that warning at all. Actually, the American did not seem to be listening; Alfred was peeking into the showers with interest.

"There's something else", Tino spoke then, his voice suddenly lower than before. Arthur looked curiously at the shorter nation, realising that the next words were for him alone. "There's one another custom you might be interested in, England…"

1.

Alfred wondered what Finnish saunas had been like before running water and electricity had been invented. The electric sauna heaters could not have possibly existed for as long as Finland claimed the tradition to having existed.

The American was on his way back into the dressing quarters when he ran into Arthur.

How come it was so very difficult to keep your gaze locked to a person's face when they were naked? Why was it that when someone was naked, you simply had to stare? These were the questions Alfred thought about when the sight of Arthur's bare chest immediately had his eyes gazing down to the rest of the Brit.

The back of Arthur's hand slapped Alfred's chin back up, not too gently the American might have added. The green-eyed male glowered at the taller nation as he spoke sternly: "You know what they say; when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Finland said we need to be naked." With that Arthur walked past Alfred, passing the showers, but pausing next to the door that separated the space from the sauna.

Alfred decided to let the other be and went to undress but when Arthur was still observing the green decoration hanging by the door by the time he was back, the American decided to speak up.

"Whacha looking at?" Alfred asked cheerily, stepping next to the other nation to look at the object that looked like a bouquet made out of small birch branches. Alfred wondered if Finns liked the scent or something along those lines.

"It's a part of Finnish sauna customs", Arthur said as an explanation. "It's called a_ 'vihta'_."

"What's it used for?" Alfred asked, eager to know. "Is it a decoration or does it have a nice scent?"

"It's…uh…" Arthur was about to explain but then trailed off in a manner that was almost embarrassed. Alfred decided that it was probably because the elder nation could not remember what the thing was used for. That was probably the reason he was staring at it so much.

"What? Did your senile mind forget what it's for?" Alfred taunted with a grin. "Let's get inside the sauna, already. The warmth will do your old bones good."

"Right, let's", Arthur replied in a tense tone and Alfred moved past the shorter nation with a laugh. The American did not notice the Brit reach out and grab the object of their brief conversation before following.

3.

It was not like Arthur had really forgotten what the _vihta_ was used for. Finland had told him about it only a short while ago. The purpose of the thing was the thing that caused Arthur to hesitate. And to make matters worse, Finland had asked Arthur to use it on Alfred. Arthur understood that the small country had a small grudge; the things Aflred had said about his food were worse than anything anyone had ever said to Arthur. Arthur had actually wanted to get back at Alfred for that comment about his age as well, but he did not really think that he should go to such lengths...

"You know, I heard there are contests over how much heat someone can stand in the sauna", Alfred commented suddenly, before the American grabbed the bucket of water positioned on the lower step. "Wanna see if we can break that record?"

"No, not re-" Arthur started, only to be cut off by the loud splash that came from Alfred throwing all of the bucket's contents on the stones of the heater. The resulting cloud of steam burned Arthur's face and throat and the Brit started coughing, desperately trying to catch his breath enough to yell at the idiot sitting beside him. It was a fruitless effort, though, and Alfred just laughed with an excitement that only the competitive nation could manage.

When Arthur had calmed down his breathing enough to think clearly, the Brit realized that perhaps he would be doing both himself and Finland a favour by knocking Alfred down a peg.

"Hey, Alfred", Arthur spoke and Alfred immediately turned to him. "I just remembered what the _vihta_ is used for."

"Great", Alfred said and looked down at the empty bucked in his grasp, probably wondering what he was going to do with it now. "Tell me."

"I think I'd rather show you", Arthur said with the same malicious smirk that, back in the seventeenth century, had always told Spain that his ship was going to be sunk within the next ten minutes. Arthur raised his arm.

TWOK!

"_OWW!_" Alfred exclaimed when a sudden pain exploded on his back. He turned around to Arthur to see the older nation looking at him with a guiltless expression, one eyebrow rising curiously. "What the hell, Arthur?"

"That's what it's used for", Arthur explained with a shrug, as if Alfred should have seen it coming. "It's a sauna custom to beat one another with a _vihta_ to get the blood flowing."

"My blood is flowing just fine!" Alfred snapped, not appreciating the notion at all. "Why do you think my skin's all red?" The American glowered at the man who had raised him and decided that the other could not be allowed to get away with something like this. He moved closer to the Brit while growling out: "Give that thing here..."

"No!" Arthur shouted out while backing away from the approaching form. "You're going to hit me back." The Brit backed all the way to the wooden wall and suddenly the nervously angry face twisted into one of pained surprise. Alfred barely had time to pause his advance in curiosity before Arthur was already hurrying back towards him.

"Oof", Alfred grunted when Arthur's torso collided with his own. "What?" The American muttered as he tried look down at Arthur's face to see what was wrong. But Arthur was already starting to back away again and Alfred had to hurry to catch a hold of the other's arm to keep him close. The Brit fell right back against the American's body but Alfred paid no mind to it. There was something about the wall that had hurt Arthur; Alfred would not let him run straight into it again. "Arthur?"

"The wall was really hot", Arthur murmured in an embarrassed manner before glaring at Alfred. "Let go of me."

"No, you've been hurt", Alfred tried to reason as he tried to have a peek over Arthur's shoulder to see if there had been any damage. This was made very difficult, however, when Arthur insisted on trying to slide off from his temporary perch on Alfred's thigh. The American made sure to catch the other's eye before pouting and questioning: "What's the problem?" The words caused Arthur's cheeks burn with more than just the heat and suddenly Alfred understood exactly what the problem was. He was about to release his hold on Arthur's arm until the other started to wiggle.

Alfred knew that Arthur was only moving around because he wanted to be let go and thought that Alfred was not going to oblige. But there was a certain effect that such movements from a warm and sweaty and _naked_ body had when combined with a mental image of very much the same sort. In the end Alfred released a strangled sound and squeezed Arthur's arm all the tighter. And then Arthur came to a sudden stop.

"Alfred...are you?" the Brit started, but trailed off almost immediately. That was not really something you ask someone outright.

"I can't help it", Alfred grumbled, hating himself for acting like a guilty child. Arthur was the one who had caused this by wiggling around in his lap. But Alfred was not going to say that out loud; the situation was bad enough already. Instead he settled for: "It's only natural, you know. You're not _that_ unattractive..."

"B-but..." Arthur started and Alfred looked up to see that other was still too flushed for it to be outside effect only and that the green eyes were looking around helplessly. "I'm...I'm your brother."

"Oh, hell no!" Alfred growled, causing Arthur to jump in surprise. Their eyes met and Alfred held his gaze steady as he spoke: "I'm so tired of that excuse."

"Excuse?" Arthur repeated incredulously. "Why do you think it's a-?"

"You convince yourself of that crap simply because you can't stand the fact that you want me!" Alfred pressed on. He was not going to let Arthur reject him because of a relation that was not there anymore!

"What are you _on_!" Arthur bellowed and Alfred knew he needed to keep on going in order to keep Arthur's stubbornness from ruining their chances for whatever it was that they could shape from this.

"We're very alike, Arthur", Alfred spoke softly. He did not need to speak any louder when he brought his face right in front of Arthur's own. With the Brit stunned to silence he could say everything he wanted to. "Because we're so alike, I know we must think alike." He shifted his hold on the older nation, bringing a hand to a flushed cheek. "We could be something great together, Arthur. We could be awesome."

A short laugh came from the older nation and Alfred realized that he was finally getting through to the other. Arthur's hot forehead was pressed against Alfred's own as the Brit spoke: "Saying something like that...that's so like you."

Alfred was just about to leave words out of their interaction entirely when the door suddenly slammed open and Finland's voice shouted out: "Guys!"

Both Anglophone countries turned their heads towards the voice to see Finland with an almost pained expression and a cherry red face. Arthur made to move off of Alfred but the American held on, knowing that the Nordic country would be too embarrassed to comment on their position.

"Is something the matter, Finland?" Alfred questioned, trying to keep his voice neutral. The best way to avoid unpleasant conversations was to pretend that there was nothing to talk about.

"Um, I just thought I should tell you to get out now, since it's been a while", Finland muttered, his dark eyes darting around trying not to look at the pair. "When Japan was visiting, he fainted because the sauna got too warm and he stayed in too long. I told you guys that." The platinum-haired male paused for a moment and then continued, his voice surprisingly even. "And there's a nice guest room prepared for you back in the cottage. It would be a lot more romantic setting for your first time together and I wouldn't have to worry about trying to get wood clean."

It took Alfred a few moments to grasp just what Finland had said and by the time he did, the other spoke out: "I'll be waiting for you with your drinks. Don't take too long." The last part was said rather seriously considering who was speaking and then Finland vanished behind the closing door.

"Damn it", Arthur grumbled after a moment. "He probably stood behind the door the whole time."

"Seriously?" Alfred asked as he turned to look at the other. "You mean he heard everything?"

"Probably", Arthur murmured and stood up. "We should get going if we want to avoid any further commentary on our activities." The Brit started to make his way to the door, but Alfred was not quite ready to move on just yet.

"What about that room Finland mentioned?" the American asked with a grin. "Are we going to do what he suggested with it?"

Arthur turned to face the younger nation and the serious expression on the elder's face had Alfred expecting a refusal until Arthur released a sigh and gave a small smirk.

"Well, I'd hate to disappoint", was all the older nation said before leaving for the showers and Alfred was left wondering who the person was that could not be disappointed. In the end Alfred decided that it did not really matter, since the purpose of the words was clear enough. And that made the American hurry for the showers as well.

_**The End**_

Ending Notes: The cooking Alfred insulted involved a Finnish Easter delicacy name 'mämmi'. It's really delicious, especially when served with milk or cream, but it looks really unappetizing. In short, it looks like something that should come out of your body instead on going into it. Alfred's comment was along those lines.


End file.
